Wednesday, December 14, 2011

'Tis Not Alone My Inky Cloak, Good Mother; Nor Customary Suits Of Solemn Black




So I wrote a short play (more of a sketch really) about Batman and the Doctor from the BBC series "Doctor Who" for a local high school drama club. The thing is, I wrote it in iambic pentameter, because, well, that's just how I roll.

Anyway, I'm pretty proud of it, so I thought I'd share with you some of the highlights.

Here's how the Greek chorus introduces Batman:


Behold! A city black and full of smoke,
beset by villains terrible and strange,
as steep'd in mystery as Roanoke,
as violent as Rome and like to change.
Therein a lone crusader long crusades
to turn to Heaven that which once was Hell;
atop its spires and perch'd on palisades,
each night he stands his solemn sentinel.
A prince of father, mother, robb'd in youth,
appall'd by Nature's cruel dispassion would
in manhood seek to remedy the truth,
and turn his own mischance to mankind's good.
And so this early curst aristocrat
assum'd the fearful mantle of the bat!




And here's how the Joker responds when Batman, in a fit of self-doubt, asks if it is not "but pride that leads a man, like Sisyphus 'gainst gravity, to act in opposition to the fates":


Pride? Ha! 'Tis fear that makes thee fume and fight:
of change, disorder, entropy and chance!
There is no good nor evil, wrong nor right;
there's only Discord's blind, demented dance!
These people of whose lives you make such fuss,
whose paths and purses you so grimly guard,
are all of them mere bags of meat and puss,
a pox by which the planet's ass is marr'd!
The godless heavens do not care a whit
for sinner, psycho, sidekick, saint or slut.
Concede, thou self-righteous hypocrite:
'tis all a cosmic joke, and thee the butt!
Explain me then, for I find it mysterious;
my question simply put is: Why so serious?


You like how he answers in the form of a sonnet? (Which, incidentally, is also how the Greek chorus introduced Batman, in case you didn't notice.)

Anyway, after the Joker takes the Jester (that's the play's narrator) hostage, the Doctor shows up to rescue her in classic Deus Ex Machina fashion by intimidating him into submission with this badass soliloquy (it starts off not rhyming, but ends with approximately two thirds of a sonnet and anyway includes some sweet Greek mythology references):


Be not assuag'd by my unmuscled form,
for like that equine chariot of lore
did secret through the gates of careless Troy
Odysseus, Anticulus, Ajax,
Cyannipus and countless more with swords
unsheath'd and appetites for Trojan blood,
so does this carriage, frail though it may be,
comprise a power so profound that Zeus
himself would tremble at its might and wish
that he could barter his for mine. I've seen
the skies ablaze with Hades' fire and seas
that sleep and wake again in tandem with
the tides; rivers that dream, statues that weep,
towers that sing, whole worlds of diamond made,
black holes, cold suns, a rift in time and space
named for that Gorgon who with serpent hair
would turn her hapless suitors into stone!
I've been both god and devil, fire and ice;
I am the voice with which the cosmos thrums.
I've peered into the time vortex itself
and heard the warlike beating of its drums.
I feel the planet spin beneath our feet
at sixty-seven thousand miles per hour;
consider that, then cower in defeat,
for now you know the meaning of true power.
Well whaddya think? Can I get a "bravo"?
Oh right, one last thing: Let the jester go.


Not bad, eh? In fact, you know what? I think I'll write everything in iambic pentameter from now on.

Anyway, the kids performed it last weekend, and though I was unfortunately unable to go see it I hear it went well and that the audience loved it. They also tell me it was videotaped, so stay tuned, because the first thing I do when I get my hands on a copy will be to post it here.

Who knows, maybe it'll go viral!

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